-
If you are being asked to change your password, and unsure how to do it, follow these instructions. Click here
In the Ear? Really???
- Thread starter djones
- Start date
Help Support Long Range Hunting Forum
Why bother? You'd just come up with t something like you'd do it but your bursitis or arthritis or one of the other ites's was acting up.
Here, we'll do it your way:
QUESTION: Are you going to try hunting hogs with a Machete? Pick from one of the following answers:
1) I would, but my Bursitis is acting up.
2) I'm not going to to be able to respond to this question because I broke my favorite shoelace and the trauma is causing me severe depression.
3) Our pet butterfly attacked the postman and I'm in the middle of administering mouth to mouth.
4) Are you out of your ever loving mind asking a question like that?
5) It's not in MY job description, ask Coy if he'll do it!
See, I covered most of your usual answers and managed to avoid you committing to anything. And speaking of being committed......are they still posting your picture on the Milk cartons?....
**** did it again, asked another question...Sigh!
packrat
Here, we'll do it your way:
QUESTION: Are you going to try hunting hogs with a Machete? Pick from one of the following answers:
1) I would, but my Bursitis is acting up.
2) I'm not going to to be able to respond to this question because I broke my favorite shoelace and the trauma is causing me severe depression.
3) Our pet butterfly attacked the postman and I'm in the middle of administering mouth to mouth.
4) Are you out of your ever loving mind asking a question like that?
5) It's not in MY job description, ask Coy if he'll do it!
See, I covered most of your usual answers and managed to avoid you committing to anything. And speaking of being committed......are they still posting your picture on the Milk cartons?....
**** did it again, asked another question...Sigh!
packrat
Well, I seem to have djones up for a while so will tell you a story about Hog hunting down in SW Texas.
After we'd burned down an old Ranch house and were in the process of constructing a new Lodge for the owner, we were out to the site one Saturday, and the contractor had left a high lift bucket sitting on the site. A High lift bucket for those that don't know is one of them things that has a long arm and bucket on the end where you stand and this one raised up to 25 feet in the air. Having been around construction all my life, well, I knew how to operate one, and we'd had this wash tub full of corn mixed with water and Raspberry Jello fermenting for a couple of days, preparing to bait up one of our favorite locations down by the pond.
Well we got to looking and the rated capacity of the bucket was 350 pounds in the bucket. Well my brother being slightly stodgy, weighed about 200 lbs, me being more slight, weighed about 160. Now those bucket trucks have a safety rating of usually 2.5 times the rated capacity so we figured it would hold both of us and what we'd do is pour some of that mash into a 4" perforated flex drain pipe laying around, hang it from a rope and since every time previously we shot the hogs, they would take off in the opposite direction, we'd get them from straight above and confuse the hell out of them and maybe get two or three extra hogs before they figured it out.
We filled that perforated flex pipe with mash and then tied up both ends, not having a cap, and tied a rope on it to lower it down when we got there. Well I started it up, and trudged down the road at about 5 miles an hour and about 6' off the ground. Now these buckets are kind of bouncy, so as we went down the road this thing naturally bounced around a lot. My brother got to looking kind of nervous, but I was familiar with them so it didn't bother me. We finally got down alongside the lake, raised it up to 25' and my brother lowered the fermented corn down to about 3' off the ground. Now these things are bouncy on the ground, but up in the air, the slightest move and they bounce a lot. Anyway we both just held still and about 45 minutes later I get a nudge from my brother. Here comes a whole herd of hogs and there are a couple of big ones in it. Not as big as what djones get but for us, big hogs. Anyway they start edging their way over to where I guess they could smell the mash and pretty soon are directly underneath us. Well one big old sow figured it out after some corn hit her in the head and then she reached up, opened her mouth and grabbed the pipe! Well when she did and tried to drag it back down with her that bucket shifted abuout 2' and I told John, raise the pipe up, you've got it too low. In the meantime hanging on for dear life because we are bouncing all over the place as she tried to take it with her and the bucket arm wouldn't let her. John leaned over the side to try and pull the pipe up and she let go just about then and he shot up about 3' in the air above the bucket. I grabbed him and yanked him back in, but in the meantime his eyes were like saucers and a strange horrible odor permeated the air. I thought, OH NO, not again!
Meanwhile that **** sow had grabbed the pipe again and was trying to take it to North Texas and both of our rifles were on the floor of the bucket. So started lowering the **** bucket and when she saw it moving she finally let go and started running. Well one last BIG lurch that almost threw me out of the bucket and then we were starting down and the whole herd scattered.
When we got on the ground, I said "Hey that was kind of fun" and all I got was a dirty look and I lost it and was rolling around laughing so hard I ached. He started walking back to the lodge in that particular gait when you don't want your legs too close together. Not going to go into any detail except to say that since the lodge wasn't finished, all that was available was a Sani-can portable toilet for him to clean up in. I almost got pounded on when I asked him if he'd mind riding in the back of the truck until we got back to the Motel. Anyway, sure glad we had separate rooms.
Since this was the second time I'd gotten him into a situation he hadn't liked, (Hog Forum, Are hogs really dangerous, page 4, post 25) he swore he was never going to hunt with me again….About 8 months later he did change his mind, but it took a lot of talking on my part as I had trouble keeping a straight face while talking. Would just start then chortle, then end up on the floor again laughing until it hurt.
Sometimes the best laid plans just don't work out!
Packrat
After we'd burned down an old Ranch house and were in the process of constructing a new Lodge for the owner, we were out to the site one Saturday, and the contractor had left a high lift bucket sitting on the site. A High lift bucket for those that don't know is one of them things that has a long arm and bucket on the end where you stand and this one raised up to 25 feet in the air. Having been around construction all my life, well, I knew how to operate one, and we'd had this wash tub full of corn mixed with water and Raspberry Jello fermenting for a couple of days, preparing to bait up one of our favorite locations down by the pond.
Well we got to looking and the rated capacity of the bucket was 350 pounds in the bucket. Well my brother being slightly stodgy, weighed about 200 lbs, me being more slight, weighed about 160. Now those bucket trucks have a safety rating of usually 2.5 times the rated capacity so we figured it would hold both of us and what we'd do is pour some of that mash into a 4" perforated flex drain pipe laying around, hang it from a rope and since every time previously we shot the hogs, they would take off in the opposite direction, we'd get them from straight above and confuse the hell out of them and maybe get two or three extra hogs before they figured it out.
We filled that perforated flex pipe with mash and then tied up both ends, not having a cap, and tied a rope on it to lower it down when we got there. Well I started it up, and trudged down the road at about 5 miles an hour and about 6' off the ground. Now these buckets are kind of bouncy, so as we went down the road this thing naturally bounced around a lot. My brother got to looking kind of nervous, but I was familiar with them so it didn't bother me. We finally got down alongside the lake, raised it up to 25' and my brother lowered the fermented corn down to about 3' off the ground. Now these things are bouncy on the ground, but up in the air, the slightest move and they bounce a lot. Anyway we both just held still and about 45 minutes later I get a nudge from my brother. Here comes a whole herd of hogs and there are a couple of big ones in it. Not as big as what djones get but for us, big hogs. Anyway they start edging their way over to where I guess they could smell the mash and pretty soon are directly underneath us. Well one big old sow figured it out after some corn hit her in the head and then she reached up, opened her mouth and grabbed the pipe! Well when she did and tried to drag it back down with her that bucket shifted abuout 2' and I told John, raise the pipe up, you've got it too low. In the meantime hanging on for dear life because we are bouncing all over the place as she tried to take it with her and the bucket arm wouldn't let her. John leaned over the side to try and pull the pipe up and she let go just about then and he shot up about 3' in the air above the bucket. I grabbed him and yanked him back in, but in the meantime his eyes were like saucers and a strange horrible odor permeated the air. I thought, OH NO, not again!
Meanwhile that **** sow had grabbed the pipe again and was trying to take it to North Texas and both of our rifles were on the floor of the bucket. So started lowering the **** bucket and when she saw it moving she finally let go and started running. Well one last BIG lurch that almost threw me out of the bucket and then we were starting down and the whole herd scattered.
When we got on the ground, I said "Hey that was kind of fun" and all I got was a dirty look and I lost it and was rolling around laughing so hard I ached. He started walking back to the lodge in that particular gait when you don't want your legs too close together. Not going to go into any detail except to say that since the lodge wasn't finished, all that was available was a Sani-can portable toilet for him to clean up in. I almost got pounded on when I asked him if he'd mind riding in the back of the truck until we got back to the Motel. Anyway, sure glad we had separate rooms.
Since this was the second time I'd gotten him into a situation he hadn't liked, (Hog Forum, Are hogs really dangerous, page 4, post 25) he swore he was never going to hunt with me again….About 8 months later he did change his mind, but it took a lot of talking on my part as I had trouble keeping a straight face while talking. Would just start then chortle, then end up on the floor again laughing until it hurt.
Sometimes the best laid plans just don't work out!
Packrat
Well it's Friday night so old djones is out hunting hogs, or down at the local watering hole introducing everyone to a dance he picked up from his association with the hogs, called the Texas 4 step! Guess i'll go browse the nets and see what's happening over on the Springfield forum
Have a good one, will be back when he deems to post again.
Packrat!
Have a good one, will be back when he deems to post again.
Packrat!
Since you brought it up a few posts back, just how much is in the pot so far? Enough that I should start checking the Real Estate listings in British Columbia, Alaska or the Yukon?
Since you mentioned Archives since you couldn't find any hogs to shoot, I decided to go back in my archives and see what I could find. The only thing I could find was this old picture of our first hunt! I did notice that your diet seems to be working, cause back then I looked like there had been a famine, and you looked like you caused it!
Well only about 50 more pounds to go and you'll be back in fighting trim from the recent pictures you posted.
And you finally shaved off that silly mustache that always reminded me of some German guy, can't remember his name.
And those silly skirts you had us wearing cause you said that you wanted to see what it was like for your ancestors hunting! At first, when I saw the picture, I thought that this was the Halloween party and we were going hunting afterward, but then remembered at the Halloween party, I went as Julius Caesar and you went as Glutimus Maximus. Finally figured out why everyone was calling you butthead! Darn, I remember those Texas ticks about ate me alive is some tender places. Never did that again!
And how someone with the name of Fernando Jesus Estrada Miguelito Davido Jones could have ancestors that dressed like that I have no idea! I would have thought a sombrero and leather flip flops would have been more accurate.
Oh well, will go check the archives again, but i'm not the photo nut that you are so don't remember taking too many others!
Packrat
I am totally amazed.....Two hogs killed my Machete and not a drop of blood on either you or the sharpened edge of the machete!
Totally amazing... If I had to guess, using the sharpened edge was too easy so you used the top side of the Machete, just for the challenge....Let me guess, next you've got this bridge in Brooklyn you've been wanting to get rid of!.....
Jumping out of tree's and landing on them?.....OK, just one question...Where did you find a tree up there big enough to jump out of?
Never mind, your evasions are slicker than goose crap on Ice!
BTW, did you get your tps report done?.....ROFL
Packrat
Totally amazing... If I had to guess, using the sharpened edge was too easy so you used the top side of the Machete, just for the challenge....Let me guess, next you've got this bridge in Brooklyn you've been wanting to get rid of!.....
Jumping out of tree's and landing on them?.....OK, just one question...Where did you find a tree up there big enough to jump out of?
Never mind, your evasions are slicker than goose crap on Ice!
BTW, did you get your tps report done?.....ROFL
Packrat
Ya know, Mr. Jones, I'm not going to question you taking those hogs by machete, but I went onto the net and looked at the physiological difference's between the type of hogs you are hunting and Javalinas.
I'm not sure that the gunnysack trick would work with feral hogs since their backbone is quite away below the surface compared to a Javalina and as tough as their skin is and that layer of Cutaneous fat there it would take one heck of a blow to get to the spinal column.
Now I know that you are quit a bit taller and heavier than I am but basically unskilled in close up fighting whereas I had about 20 years of Martial Arts training and at 38 eventually worked my way up to Pink belt where I could take a 12-14 year old girl 3 out of 5 matches, and I'm not sure I could take out a hog that way.
Anyway, what I'm saying is maybe the tree thing isn't as bad of a decision that I originally thought!
My apologies.
Packrat
I'm not sure that the gunnysack trick would work with feral hogs since their backbone is quite away below the surface compared to a Javalina and as tough as their skin is and that layer of Cutaneous fat there it would take one heck of a blow to get to the spinal column.
Now I know that you are quit a bit taller and heavier than I am but basically unskilled in close up fighting whereas I had about 20 years of Martial Arts training and at 38 eventually worked my way up to Pink belt where I could take a 12-14 year old girl 3 out of 5 matches, and I'm not sure I could take out a hog that way.
Anyway, what I'm saying is maybe the tree thing isn't as bad of a decision that I originally thought!
My apologies.
Packrat
Well today is Superbowl Sunday, so know what all you couch taters are going to be doing. I won't, since I refuse to subsidize anything where the losers still get paid. Years back, in California, the AA or AAA teams (Can't remember which, and don't know if they still do it) all hired in at the same pay and each player got bonuses based on the position played when they WIN a game. When they lose, they don't get anything except their base pay. THOSE games were played hard right to the last minute, fighting all the way. Best games I've ever seen!
I mean, how do you lose when the lowest paid member of a team is over $300,000 per year? I would love to be paid $300,000 whether I won or not! And some of the higher paid players are absurd!
Next Sunday, my sermon will be.........
Anyway, back to Hogs.....
Where you at djones?...You must be out hunting hogs since I know for a fact you have been asked to leave every church in town, once the singing starts. If I was standing in my front yard with my bad eyes, and you were in a neighbors yard and yelled, as illogical as it seems, I would swear I was being run down by a super tanker and would start running! A lady told me the closest thing she ever heard to your voice when you were singing was a foghorn!
Well, anyway, will check back in occasionally to see if you made it back!
Packrat
Having trouble with the Forum again, doesn't want to load, but checked other sites and no problem, and ran diagnostics on my computer so don't know what's happening. Can't load my little packrat emeticon.
I mean, how do you lose when the lowest paid member of a team is over $300,000 per year? I would love to be paid $300,000 whether I won or not! And some of the higher paid players are absurd!
Next Sunday, my sermon will be.........
Anyway, back to Hogs.....
Where you at djones?...You must be out hunting hogs since I know for a fact you have been asked to leave every church in town, once the singing starts. If I was standing in my front yard with my bad eyes, and you were in a neighbors yard and yelled, as illogical as it seems, I would swear I was being run down by a super tanker and would start running! A lady told me the closest thing she ever heard to your voice when you were singing was a foghorn!
Well, anyway, will check back in occasionally to see if you made it back!
Packrat
Having trouble with the Forum again, doesn't want to load, but checked other sites and no problem, and ran diagnostics on my computer so don't know what's happening. Can't load my little packrat emeticon.
Well some good new for me and maybe some of those Northern Hillbillies in Idaho!
Oregon has finally admitted that it has a Feral Hog problem, based on the number of sightings and now has a all year, no limit, limits on Feral hogs! You still need a Oregon Hunting License, but who can break loose for more than a week or so a year anyway, so a Out of state license won't break the bank!
I may not have to get down to Texas to hunt Hogs again, after my move back to Washington.
This map shows the known areas of Feral Hogs in the State of Oregon. Since the northern boundary of the Central area is the Columbia River, won't be too long before they are in Washington, and that portion of Washington is where all the main agricultural areas are.
Got to get back up there and set up a new company: Feral Hog And Rodent Trapping Services. Within a year or so and they'll infiltrate into Washington and we'll become so well known that we'll be known just by our initials F.H.A.R.T.S....Pretty soon we'' be F.H.A.R.T.ing all over the state! This could be more profitable than the Packrat Tee shirts!
And Brewer, i want you to quit spreading the rumor I have too much time on my hands!
Packrat
Oregon has finally admitted that it has a Feral Hog problem, based on the number of sightings and now has a all year, no limit, limits on Feral hogs! You still need a Oregon Hunting License, but who can break loose for more than a week or so a year anyway, so a Out of state license won't break the bank!
I may not have to get down to Texas to hunt Hogs again, after my move back to Washington.
This map shows the known areas of Feral Hogs in the State of Oregon. Since the northern boundary of the Central area is the Columbia River, won't be too long before they are in Washington, and that portion of Washington is where all the main agricultural areas are.
Got to get back up there and set up a new company: Feral Hog And Rodent Trapping Services. Within a year or so and they'll infiltrate into Washington and we'll become so well known that we'll be known just by our initials F.H.A.R.T.S....Pretty soon we'' be F.H.A.R.T.ing all over the state! This could be more profitable than the Packrat Tee shirts!
And Brewer, i want you to quit spreading the rumor I have too much time on my hands!
Packrat
hunted over weekend but didn't get anything. i'm old, tired and beat up. could use some help. please scout hogs in your area and send me their gps coordinates.
also post some of the texas hogs you've killed. so far all i've seen is a poor baby rabbit you ran over and scrapped off the road.
ps - i got the tps reports finished, but they were late. pretty sure that's going in my permanent file. sux to be me.
also post some of the texas hogs you've killed. so far all i've seen is a poor baby rabbit you ran over and scrapped off the road.
ps - i got the tps reports finished, but they were late. pretty sure that's going in my permanent file. sux to be me.
Packrat, I am planning to take my wife out to dinner on you. Thanks, I didn't expect it. However, remember me when you kill a hog or a cat or something. I need some pictures!!! and a tusk or bone would be awesome too.
you know, since you have been accused of having too much time on your hands, my PM box has been so full of requests from self described "savers" wanting to know if you would have some time to help them organize their 'stuff'. so I am wondering if you would be willing to drive to Florida to help a 72 year old overweight lady find a good home for her 38 cats and 17 dogs. she also stated that she was needing someone with a pickup to help move her newspaper collection to a storage unit across town since the fire martial has told her it was a fire hazard.
you know, since you have been accused of having too much time on your hands, my PM box has been so full of requests from self described "savers" wanting to know if you would have some time to help them organize their 'stuff'. so I am wondering if you would be willing to drive to Florida to help a 72 year old overweight lady find a good home for her 38 cats and 17 dogs. she also stated that she was needing someone with a pickup to help move her newspaper collection to a storage unit across town since the fire martial has told her it was a fire hazard.
djones: Poor guy, getting so that if you can't lean on the old, tired and beat up line, don't hardly hear from you any more anyway. Just remember, I'm about 10 years older than you are and you don't hear me complaining. Well, just out of sympathy for your plight, I've listed you on the board of directors of the new company and after we get the stock sold to the new F.H.A.R.T.S. you can become one of the old F.H.A.R.T.S. and entitled to a few benefits. Putting hot water and indoor plumbing at that ramshackle place you remodeled from a chicken coop and you call a house is pretty high on the list of benefits I got lined up for you. Amazing what a hot bath, or in in your case, any bath, will do for your spirits, and may help your Arthritis too!
Stand by, went into Ebay and ordered a copy of Photo shop or whatever it is called. Will be able to help you out shortly. When we shot hogs, never thought about taking pictures, they were just pests so hauled them to the gut pile and dumped them, but will see what I can dig up.
As far as "sux to be me", well personally, I think it always did!...I got to admit that with that face and the learning disabilities, hunting hogs was about the only thing left to you to gain any respectability. Ground squirrels and sparrows just don't have he impact that the hogs do!
Just want you to know that my sitting here slaving over this hot keyboard, while you're out joyriding around in a truck, isn't any bed of roses either.
Brewer: Don't make that dinner too fancy or your wife may be so appreciative that you find you have 4 kids! Or at least 3 on the ground and one in the oven. Went and got myself a .22 suppressor from a company called BCM down your way, works like magic. Very nice. You probably need to connect with them and see if they need any part-time help so you can start saving for them kids to go to college.
Well, looks like I wrote my usual book, but trying to calm down djones sniveling, takes a lot of writing!
Packrat
