In the Ear? Really???

[Packrat 6]

Hey, djones, you notice our attendance is falling off? Got to figure out something to get the attention back onto our site or something. From your looks on page 25, post # 172, you're looking mighty peaked, so the strain must be showing on you too! I mean you been hunting darn near 24/7 so there's got to be something else we can do.....

Let me think about it a little bit. Oh, BTW, seems there is a conflict in the Texas law that caught me and my brother in a hypothetical situation between the Texas bar Association and the IRS. There is a big meeting Tuesday, between all interested parties so will let you know what happens. If they get it straightened out, and I'm off the hook, may have to buy the Bar a drink, the Texas Bar, that is, if they get this straightened out.

Thinkin back, I just remembered that the last time I bought the Bar a drink was when coming back from Viet Nam and landing in San Francisco. I had ran through the crowd of protesters outside SFIA and grabbed a cab and told the Driver to take me to the nearest bar. I needed a drink and some place to get the rotten tomatoes and eggs off my uniform. I guess it hadn't helped that when they yelled "Baby Killer", I had yelled back, "Yep, and really good at it too"! Cab driver must have had a perverted sense of humor, but I didn't find that out til later. Walked in this place and there were about 10 beautiful girls in there and I was the only guy! Thinking I was going to get lucky, I bought the whole bar a drink. Was getting more attention than a Ribeye steak at a homeless conference, when I suddenly realized that some of those girls had a 5 o'clock shadow worse than mine, then really started looking and decided I had to leave, quick!

Well, anyway, kind of lapsed off the subject, so will do some thinking on how to improve out ratings. If we expect to get any commission checks from LRH, going to have to get our ratings up again.

I know it's going to be hard for you, but you think on it too!

Packrat

 

[Packrat 6]

Hey, just noticed the 5 star rating system at the top of the page where people can rate this thread. We got 2-5 star ratings..Yours and mine....and it won't let me add more ratings..Tried 3 different ways, and no luck..Wonder if that's why my check is late?

Packrat!

 

[Packrat 6]

djones, I got it! Was sitting in my shop, listening to the radio when the announcer stated that the next song had netted 4.2 Million dollars for the writer. lightbulb. What we need to do is write a song about your exploits and get it on national Radio!...Lets see, need a catchy tune...How about "The Battle of New Orleans"? Let's see;

In 2015, I was goinna make a trip
Up to central Texas, I was going to meet a dip.....

Naw..Just don't have the tempo or the pizzazz....Doesn't show well your compassion for those you hunt. We can't just have you portrayed as the mean, onery hog hunter you are!.

Well, will work on it, but it's going to take a little time...Picking the right tune is the critical part. Can't use your theme song, "Ewe light up my life" it has a very severe copyright on it. Don't want to have to share the royalties and "Jail House Rock" is a little too close for comfort on my end!

OK, now that I've got it, will work on it in my spare time.

Packrat

 

[Packrat 6]

Darn LRH!!!! Went to the mailbox and there was an envelope from LRH! Thought to myself, "Finally, they caught up and this is my commission check for all the good me and djones been doing on their site". Opened it up and couldn't believe it, was a bill for $18.76 from their head bean counter for me promoting Packrat Enterprises products on their site!

I wonder if Len and Andy know about this?......Probably not, don't figure they probably come down slumming to a hog hunting thread. Never, ever had a site bill me before....Been asked to leave a few sites though, maybe 18 or 20, but none of them ever gave me a bill!

First the IRS, now this. Where do they think I'm going to be able to come up with money like this? I just barely made my Mercedes payment last month. Don't they know I'm a retiree?

Jeeezzzz!

Packrat

 

[Packrat 6]

Djones, you are not fooling me. You are not showing up on the site in order to build up suspense for when you finally come back. AND I know you are good enough with Photo Bucket or whatever to fake up some pictures, so get your butt back here!

Here, will show you how it's done...even though I know you know how. Now this picture isn't faked up, just one of my hunting trophy's from younger days, but you kind of get the idea. Darn kids thought I had made them a playground!

click to enlarge
then throw in some appropriate comment about the European mount being to big to mount on your wall or something and how you had to wrestle it down with just a Swiss Army Knife with a broken blade ...There must be 800 pictures of Feral hogs on the net so get with it...Got to keep their attention...Especially now that I gots to raise some money...

OR did you sneak back over to the coyote forum leaving me here to be "hoist by my own Petard", whatever a Petard is, but whatever it is, it sounds kind of painful. Sure hope it isn't what I think it could be...REALLY painful and darn near sure I don't want to be hoisted by it!

See there, you did it again, got me sidetracked...But I mean a Petard sounds really ominous...

Packrat

 

[Packrat 6]

OK, OK Got about a dozen PM's asking about that Dragon Skull. Will give you the true story without embellishment. I was stationed in Germany and using my 30 day leave to travel all over Europe and ended up in SW England where I had heard about the locals advertising a dragon to draw tourists to their town.

Thinking it had to be a tourist trap, I decided to go down and see what all the excitement was about. Well, it appears that this Dragon had appeared out of the ocean and was originally pillaging the town, eating up cows , sheep and horses so the local people decided to see if the legendary sacrificing of a virgin would cause him to be sated and leave their livestock alone. Anyway, I had got there just as the experiment was in it's 4th trial. Previously after it had et the Virgin, it disappeared back into the Ocean for a month or so. Well, since the virgins had been drawn by lot, it was inevitable that the prettiest girl in town had drawn the lot to be sacrificed. Just as I got there, the dragon was coming out of the ocean heading towards the girl so thinking quickly, I ran out on the beach and told the Girl, Raise your dress, Quick! 5 seconds later the Dragon lost interest in the girl and about 10 seconds later, so did I.

The dragon was walking down the beach, looking for some livestock and one of the guards standing, guarding the town had one of the new British Army 7.62 x 51 NATO conversion rifles so I grabbed it from him and at a range of abut 263 yards, put a bullet through the dragons eye and into his brain. i was immediately mobbed by the townspeople for what I thought was to be a joyous celebration then started hearing what everyone was saying. Everyone was PO'd since they had had the biggest tourist attraction in the British isles since the invasion by Rome 600 or so years ago and the British Conservation Society (Their EPA) was threatening charges for damaging a endangered species...I quickly slipped away as as as I could, and continued my tour of Europe. Snuck back in about a month later to take some pictures. Crabs had eaten everything but the skeleton, so that's one of the pictures you see here.

About 9 Months later was named as the principle in a paternity suit, but that's a different story and we don't have time right now. Too busy trying to write a song.

That's the whole truth, so help me.. ........djones, where you at, am getting tired of keeping these people entertained while you're out galavanting around.

Packrat

 

[Packrat 6]

Dogone it, Seems like everything is going to pot quick. My wife asked me about her fur coat and I couldn't answer.

Coy Franks, how's that Mink coat coming? Have had her convinced for years that Polyester was the scientific name for mink, but think she';s starting to get wise....HURRY UP! Afraid if she finds out, she may think a Packrat coat will suffice....shuddder!

Packrat

 

[djones]

Hey, djones, you notice our attendance is falling off?

i think they're trying to tell us something. I know, I know - believe me... I'm a disappointment to myself too. I'm trying but it's harder and harder to find pics of hogs worthy of photoshopping myself into. Sorry I don't have time to patch the bullet holes and put them in the ear. These will have to do.

 

[Packrat 6]

you know, djones, I guess I might owe you an apology. Here, I been only thinking about myself and you're out there hunting night and day trying to get some pictures. Matter of fact i really didn't notice how run down you've gotten until this morning. Lets do a quick comparison.

Here you are posted about 10-29-14. I notice this picture was taken by your greatest admirer who you can see reflected in your glasses.

click to enlarge
Now here you are today, again, taken by your greatest admirer, by remote control this time.

Click to enlarge
Whooeee boy, you aged 25 - 30 years in about 3 months. I've only been mentoring you for the last month and a half, so that means I'm not the one responsible for the way you look. Now if you had followed my advice and just posted 1 of the above pictures, you could have milked it out for several days and gotten some sleep and I wouldn't have had the burden of keeping the lurkers occupied til you got back. At the rate you're going, you're going to be looking like this before too long.


Well, now that I look real close, I guess that center picture does come pretty close to the last one.

Well, anyway, you go get some sleep and i'll try to keep their attention til you can get back all refreshed. Been working on that song, singing your praises and it's going to make us famous if I can ever get it worked out...BTW, Know anything that rhymes with Orange?

Packrat



Still curious about what you do with all them Hog carcass's.

 

[Packrat 6]

Oh, I forgot..Them are some nice sized hogs...Don't want you to think I didn't notice!

Packrat

 

[djones]

alas the months have not been kind to me. seems like i've been aging at an algebraic rate lately. i even had a land owner of a new hunting spot tell me i didn't look like a hog hunter. it wasn't that long ago that 60 year old women thought i was highly desirable. do you think a packrat bandana would help?

 

[Packrat 6]

Bandana didn't really impress me much, but might be a good seller, how about some Packrat ears?

Oh, already got them I see, I focused on the Bandana and didn't notice at first since you hadn't mentioned them......!

Based on your remark about the 60 year old women, I think from the way you looked in posts today, you better take what you can get! Lady next door for example is really PO'd at me. She asked me what I thought a 55 year old husband would LIKE on his Birthday. I told her a 20 year old girl...She really went off...... Then, trying to make amends and change the subject and cool her down I asked if they were going camping since i could see they were airing out their tent and pointed to the clothesline. Turned out it was her underwear...Sometimes good intentions just don't work..... Don't know why I try.

Having trouble with the song, had to cut your part down from 3 pages to 6 stanza's. Coming along though. I've got about 35 minutes invested so far!

Packrat

 

[Packrat 6]

Mr. Jones
I just had me a great idea! Since this song is going to immortalize the people in it, we should be charging for the opportunity. Say $50.00 to include your name in the song!.....Well, except for some people that have kind of irritated me with sending bills and all....No names mentioned...but I'll include them for free! They'll be immortalized all right!

Course I might be asked to leave afterwards, but No Guts, No........Hmmm....maybe I'd better think on that!

Packrat

 

[Coy Franks]

Excellent hogs djones!!!