In the Ear? Really???

[djones]

finally a sincere congrats. thanks coy. pak had me feeling so self conscious that i actually took a beauty rest nap before going out tonight. not sure it helped though.

 

[Packrat 6]

OK,OK, had to embarrass me into a compliment..THOSE ARE OUTSTANDING HOGS! DJ. Just Trying to keep you from going back where you were before..Head so Big, you thought Texas had named a County after it!...Who's the young man sitting beside you with the Rifle? (Just a hint, think you had better brushing your teeth and washing your face more often, before someone complains of the smell! No wonder you use 60 year old ladies in the past tense!) You do look restful lying there!

Packrat

 

[Packrat 6]

Much to everyone's relief, I may not be on much over the next several days. Haven't even got the house listed for sale yet, but have a buyer with a cash offer that wants to walk it Thursday.

My wife has been sick for the last week so the burden of making it sparkle is on me. It's not dirty, I have been going through and packing stuff and have it stacked all over the house in boxes that need moved out so the rooms will show right! Right now, just looks cluttered.

Will check in when I can!

Packrat

 

[djones]

... I may not be on much over the next several days.

drinks are on me boys!!!!

 

[Packrat 6]

drinks are on me boys!!!!

Mr Jones, that was just downright mean! Wife gave me a 5 minute break..So there!

Packrat

 

[djones]

pics of the wife or it didn't happen

 

[Packrat 6]

No time, she had me make her lunch since she claimed she was sick, then gave me 10 minutes to get mine! Fooled her, i ate while fixing hers...Sure wish my brother hadn't given her that Bullwhip as a joke for Xmas and then taught her how to use it...gonna have some words with him later!

BBL..10 minutes almost up. Shouldn't have taken that bathroom break!

Packrat

.

 

[Packrat 6]

Ok, turned on bathroom light and fan, she won't bother me for sure for a while, then snuck off to my office. Picture takes 3 to explain. See following


The way she see's herself!


the way others see her



And if she looked like this I would want to be reincarnated as a broom!

 

[Packrat 6]

What, nobody here? Jeeez I take a day or so off and the darn place empties out faster than case of Diarrhea! Oh well, will be here tomorrow so can catch up with everything.

Got the house sparkling again, just had to move a lot of pre-packed things, like about 600 boxes, out to the garage and then tidy up.

I see DJ is off on one of his hiatus's again. Oh, well, will go work on his song! Putting all this effort into trying to make him famous and you watch, he'll find something in it to criticize!.....ROFL

Packrat

 

[Packrat 6]

Hey Mr. DJ...Good news...I got your Jingle done. Took me almost 3 hours and you weren't much help since you never did come up with something that rhymed with Orange! It did come out a little longer than I expected, but then I drug some of the other LRH players into it just to add a little color. Only one of them wanted to be a part of LRH history, but I got to talk to him, as his internet IOU bounced.

Will probably post it sometime tomorrow night as it's 11:40 PM here and i haven't had enough sleep to get a good headsta...go visit relatives in aahhhhh.....North Dakota, yeah North Dakota. Going by way of ...lets see, you are East of me...Going by way of San Francisco.

I know you are waiting with baited breath...Remind me to never take you fishing! Bet that would be a can of worms...Shucks, there we go with the bait thing again.

Anyway, know you can't wait to become immortalized......so to speak......

Later

Packrat

 

[snox801]

finally a sincere congrats. thanks coy. pak had me feeling so self conscious that i actually took a beauty rest nap before going out tonight. not sure it helped though.

That's a heck of a nap.

 

[savagekindaguy]

My Hero...

 

[Packrat 6]

Well, people have left, looks like we might have sold the house for 15th of May delivery so they can transfer their kids to this School District. Got my price so with their deposit, think I'll go travel for a while... At least until things calm down anyway.

Anyway decided that I could use the traveling time so have decided to post the DJ song early, but before I do, got to explain a little bit and send a few messages.

Fred Seaman: I accidently deleted your email and couldn't remember if you wanted to be remembered on the LRH site for Posterior or Posterity, I always mix those two up, so I think I got you covered in any case. Just remember your sense of Humor! Just how far does a .338 shoot anyway?

djones: You don't have to worry, I've already submitted a copy of this to the Congressional Record to be entered into the records forever!...You'll be famous, You'll be well known, you'll be Apoplectic!

Anyway, here goes and it may take more than one page on the LRH site!

Packrat

 

[Packrat 6]

The Battle at Pease River
(Can be sung to "The Yellow Rose of Texas")
​

There was a bunch a Long Range Hunters, just a talkin on the net,
They all wanted to go hog huntin, but they hadn't got there yet.
They said let's get together, we'll meet near Amarillo town,
If we can't get us some hogs to shoot, we'll hunt some raccoon's down.
So they headed out for Texas, from all across the states
Irritating wives and girlfriends, canceling all their pre-made dates.
From deserts and from mountains, and even Georgia bogs,
And a bunch Idaho hunters, who had never shot at Texas hogs!
From New York and from Tennessee and from down round Nacogdoches
They all headed to out, to hunt them hogs, and their numbers were atrocious.

(Just building background here!)

Now the County Sherriff saw them coming and poor guy bleached out white
Last time he'd seen that many guns, it had been in an Iraqi fight!
So the sheriff called out the Swat teams, Texas Rangers and the Guard.
If this group was seeking trouble, he was going to slam em hard.
"Ain't going to have us no Missouri, no loot, pillage, burn and trash,"
And if the Feds, they wanted "Hands off" well, the Feds could kiss his ***!
When he found that they were friendly, and just a mustering out for hogs,
He said, "boy's I think I'll join you, do you think we need some dogs?"
Now since he was a local, and they wanted hogs thick as Flea's
When asked, he said "Boys, I know the place to go, we'll head down to the N. Pease"

(Hang on we'll get there)

So they convoyed to the river, full of spirits, full of pluck
And kidded poor old crabgrass, who while dozing , fell off the turnip truck
As they pulled down to the river and they started up their camp
Some said it really wasn't very good , really hot and kind of damp
Now the Pease it weren't no mighty river, and down south would be a crick
The Pease was just too thin to plow, and for drinking, just too thick.
With a trickle down the center, and brush thickets on the banks,
Only guy that that tried to make a living there, was a farmer, Coy Franks
Now old Coy was a hotshot farmer, and supposed to be the best,
But had only got 6 bales of hay, hogs and coons had ruined the rest
He said, "Boys when you start hunting, want you wish you lots of luck,
And if you think you need some help, I got grandkids and a truck!

(Getting closer, just getting a little more background)

Now them hogs had got together and were gathered in a bunch,
Cept for Four that acted lookout and six more that went to lunch!
They were tired of being hunted, and they were tired of being shot!
They were tired of being thought of, as just buttocks in a pot.
These hogs had all assembled, from all across the Texas map
And these hunters showing up, had fallen right into their lap.
The head hog pulled them closer, said here's how we'll do this fight,
While they're sleeping we'll surround them, hit them hard at morning light
While they're groggy in the morning and before they get to pee,
Will go charging in among them and we'll have a real melee

Now Fred Seaman had a problem in the middle of the night
Thought he'd wander outside the camp, and relieve his stomach's plight
Well he dropped his drawers, and squatted down, and was going to take a crap,
But he squatted on a piglet and by that, he sprung the trap.
When the piglet squealed beneath his butt, Fred jumped up and yelled in fright
You could track his progress, on the ground, to where he entered camp that night.
Now Fred he was a real brave man, in fact, he'd fought several pistol duels,
But when that Piglet snapped his mouth, it just missed his family Jewels,
Now Fred took lots of kidding, but he said "The thought that really rankles"
Is their kidding me, about how fast I ran, with my pants around my ankles"
From the yell the camp was rousted, with all the noise and the confusion,
Seeing that many hogs outside the camp, they thought "this must be an illusion"

A Californian, who went by "Break No Wind", and claimed it really was the truth,
That breaking wind, just seemed to him, to be an act that was uncouth
Until he saw those hogs surrounding them, and had his stomach twist and bend
He released 3 years of gas, that he'd stored up, and it just seemed to never end.
When he let loose in that small space, in their makeshift hunters hut
Folks were gagging, most were deafened, and all their eyes were watered shut,
Well, them hogs had been a listening, and when they heard that flatulation
They just thought it was their signal, to alert the porcine nation
So they turned in as a group, and they started their attack,
And once that herd started moving, there just weren't no turning back

(Here it comes, don't blink!)

And the hunters grabbed their rifles, loading fast as they could feed them
They said where's djones and the Packrat, now that we really need em
Someone said, " djones had told him, that he would be here without fail"
But the Packrat and his Brother were still locked in Houston Jail.
Then they heard an engine roaring and a crashing through the trees
djones was sitting in the truck window, and was steering with his knee's
With a rifle in each hand, great big grin upon his face
Everyone knew right then that David Jones, had finally found his place!
And he ran that truck real hard, right on out into the center
That poor old truck, it really tried it's best, but at last he finally bent her
Pulling triggers right and left, changing mag's , fast as he could switch
But one leg cramped up, he missed a turn, and ran straight into a ditch
At the bump he was ejected, sailing way up in the sky,
As he had dropped both of his rifles, and so he tried real hard to fly
Straightening out, with flapping arms, as he tried to clear the bunch
He knew if they got a hold of him, he was their main course for lunch!
But he landed in a bunch of hogs that were so tightly packed
That as he angled down, before he hit the ground, he bounced across their backs
He bounced more than a couple times then he finally settled down
And as they spooked away from him, he dropped down to the ground
Now them hogs had been a milling there, for most of the previous night
and the ground underneath them, Oh lord it was a sight
it wasn't dirt, it was hog crap, like you'd find in someone's sty's
So he took a breath, grabbed up some straw, laid down and closed his eyes

He stuck that straw up through the hog crap so he could get a breath
And it worked real well until a hog peed down, and about chocked him half to death
As they milled, they walked upon him, and pushed him deeper in the muck
Though it seemed to be real bad for him, it really was a stroke of luck
Now them those pigs were packed so tightly, they couldn't get their noses down
And by then he smelled as bad as them as they walked him underground.
Now if he'd of thought it out, he could have probably crawled, right out of that whole mess
But he'd probably been shot, as just a dirty hog, the camp was under stress,
In the meantime at the campground, things were starting to look bad
They'd all watched poor old David Jones, and the adventures he had, had
And them hogs they weren't a slowing, they were going all for broke
They were going to break these hunters, and do all in just one stroke!

(Got to finish the story now, can't leave it hanging)

Well now Len and Andy Backus, they had pulled in a little late
And Len said, "I got to watch my people, cause they all misread the date"
"But we're here now so we'll join in", he said with a short laugh
And they don't get paid vacation time, so of course, I brought the staff!
Someone's got to write this story, and document this battle
And we'll write it up real pretty, with some Technological prattle
This is going to be a famous war, and we'll be the first out with the news,
When we've got lots of people signing on, then we'll start charging monthly dues.
When the shooting started, they had thought , Lord, this is gonna be so sweet
But their sights were set for ¾ mile and the range was fifteen feet!
Then Andy yelled over the commotion, with a note of glad surprise
"If you scope down straight between your feet, it hits them right between the eyes"
With the Long Range rifles added in, they were starting to make a dent,
Against the sea of hogs, that had attacked, those guns were heaven sent.

(OK Coy, front and center)

Well now, way off in the distance, clear back at his farm abode,
Coy Franks had grabbed the kids and guns, and now was on the road,
With the pedal to floorboards he was laughing out with glee,
As he ran them pigs down, yelling "this is the life for me!"
"I'll get even with the doggone hogs for eating all my crops
And I'll run em down forever, I'm a pulling out the stop's"
Grandkids shooting out the windows, nailing hogs and laughing loud
He glanced over at them, a grandpa, and oh so proud!
But some hogs had seen them coming so they turned and slashed the tires
The truck was riding on the rims, bouncing, slowing down their fires
Coy said "roll up all the windows, because we're slowing down real quick,
and we sure don't want no hogs in here, and boy these hogs are thick".
The truck slowed down and then it stopped, surrounded on all sides
Coy was sitting there just thinking, "This is one of my best rides"
Well, they could only sit there, and there was nothing they could do,
Until youngest child looked up and said "hey papa, I think I got to go poo!"

(Get Ready!)

Back over at the campground, things were being stretched too far
The guys had come for hunting, not prepared to fight a war
Ammunition was a running low, the gun barrels burning out,
And there were still too many hogs in sight, preparing for a rout
Then James Brewer on a truck cab said "Hey! Just what is that sound?"
And all the rest had started feeling, the vibration in the ground
And they looked out on a dust cloud. A coming from way down in the South
Then someone said "it's the Packrat", the words yelled from his mouth.

(Here's the best part)

Two ATV's were screaming in, Packrat brothers standing on the seats,
The ATV's on cruise control, they were steering with their feet's
Both Springfield's a blazing, and they were leaving quite a trail
Of dead hogs and sheer destruction, back to where they'd posted bail
They rode those ATV's, just like their Surf Boards, in Orange County,
Packrat yelled out to his brother," we'd be rich if there'd been a bounty",
Showing off, just a little bit, the Packrat balanced on one hand
Then holding out his Springfield, sent two hogs to the promised land.
Now Packrat's brother smirked, and raised his right leg way up high
Broke wind right in them poor hogs face , watched 8 curl up and die
Now being towed behind each of them, in an ammo laden wagon,
They each had themselves a loader, but the loader's *** was draggin
The loaders had been loading magazines, for a couple hours, maybe more
And they were both about parched to death, and their fingers stiff and sore
They had promised themselves together, that when they left these **** machines,
They needed them some vacation time, so they'd both join the Marines.

(Starting to wind down now to the finale)

Well them hogs saw what was coming, and they knew their cause was blown,
So they started running everywhere, it was each hog on its own.
Well the Packrat's headed into camp, slowed the machines until they stopped
Then they took a real good look around, as from the ATV's they hopped
Looks like you boys done had some fun, with the hogs stacked 6 hogs deep
And we'd a been much sooner, but we had to stop, to catch some sleep,
Didn't know there was a battle, didn't know there was a fight
Just left out from that jail cell, and we drove for most the night
Just came to meet this David Jones, the hog hunter extraordinaire
The silence then was deafening, and a chill breeze filled the air
Then a pathway opened through the crowd, pointing at a field of muck
Someone said, "He did the best he could, he just ran out of luck"

(Here you come again!)

The packrat started walking, towards where djones had disappeared,
Some of the hunters they hung back, because they were afeared.
Packrat said "I don't believe it, that old David Jones was tough"
Then he yelled out " Djones, got your butt out here, you've goofed off long enough!
Now DJ heard the yelling, so he poked his head up high
Still couldn't see anything, so wiped the hog crap from his eye
Then he looked across the field, and there stood a motley band
So at last he finally stood right up, with a piglet in each hand.
He said "I'm surely glad to see you guys, I thought I was going to smother"
"And these two, since we all smelled the same, they think I am their Mother"
The packrat he stepped upwind, because he couldn't stand the smell,
Said "Compared to all your photographs, you're looking mighty well,
I know that you standing there, aren't smelling like a flower,
And if you don't mind, I won't shake your hand, until you've had a shower"
Now DJ said, "I'd best be heading home, before the wife, she gets the vapors
And I still got lots of things to do, including insurance papers"
So he turned and headed homeward, a lonely figure in the sun,
And so ends up the story, and the battle they had won,
From there, it all broke down, and everybody headed home,
And the story from a jingle, ended up as this great big pome.

(Epilogue)

So that's the story of the big hog fight, and how djones became a famous name,
And somewhere in the telling, of how the Packrat, created all that fame,
The full story, written here in haste, and in some places, kinda sloppy,
But for 15 bucks plus handling, you can have an autographed copy!

Packrat