Off topic but how do u deal with teenage daughters!

[just country]

morning, discipline is a tool we as parents over use. I was
lucky, very althetic sp. raised on a farm. I worked the land,
fed the hogs, chickens, and calf. my father was very stern.
did not have alot of time for mischief. we were strapped for
money. went in the army after graduation.
the technology we have today has made parenting very difficult. children
r very outgoing, educated. the respect for adults has
slowly lost. teachers hands r strapped so they have very
limited control over children. teaching of good common sense
if children want to listen and learn
helps with a childs respect for adults.
this is a very difficult subject. lots of love and common
do wonders. justme gbot tum

 

[Aoudad shooter1975]

I drink... LOL!

 

[ducky]

What's the boy like, have you met with him? You really need to get to know the boy and meet his parents. Judge that boy and his parents character ASAP.

I went through a parents worst nightmare with my step daughter when she was 15 over a boy. That boy almost destroyed our family, but at least our daughter knows how far we'll go to fight for her. She will turn 17 in January and the boy is a really bad memory that we are all trying to put behind us.

It took a lawyer's, a restraining order, a school lockout to get him to stay away. As well as talks from the county sheriff. As a family we had some pretty intense family counseling as well as one on one counseling to put our family back together.

We finally got our healthy and happy daughter back, but there was a lot of hard work and forgiveness involved. It also took a horse, but now she is more involved with that horse than she ever was with that boy. You just got to find something that can get their focus off the boy, so they have something else to think about.

Take as much leave and long weekends as possible before your deployment. Spend that time getting to really know your daughter. Do one of the hardest things as a Dad, listen to her but don't try to fix anything (I'm still not good at this). Call and more importantly write her letters, texts, or email from your deployment, give her something she can go back to and read again. They seem to forget conversations quickly, but your written words can last forever.

Possibly seek family counseling. It'll help you to express your fears and anxiety, as well as your love for your daughter to her in a way she can understand better. You might even be able to continue some sessions telepresence from your deployment. This might dramatically help your wife's and your daughter's relationships improve.

Some would say being married to a wonderful woman and being a parent to good kids is the greatest thing in life. I'm just ever so happy I missed-out on all of that happiness and joy.

You're happy because ingnorance is bliss, and that's not a bad thing. I lived like you until I was 36, then I met a woman with a 5 year old daughter and I couldn't imagine life without them. I thought my life was complete and I was a confirmed bachelor and I wasn't missing anything, I was wrong and I wouldn't want to go back to 36 year old me for anything.

 

[Remmy700]

Well I have tried a lot of things over the years. The problem as many as mentioned respect is slowly lost in todays modern age. Kids have no interpersonal skills cause they rarely have real conversations, its all done with social media. My daughter is pretty much set on just being a room mate in my house. We try and do family things and she wants no part of it and if we make her go with us she acts miserable the entire time. She has a count down set on her phone for when she can move out, she is currently a senior and will be graduating next summer. That is also when I will be headed out for the 365 also. The boy she is seeing is apparently diagnosed bi-polar and currently isn't taking his meds, and apparently was addicted to drugs pretty bad. He currently is 17 and not in school lol just great. Any how I told her you see who you want to see but he is not to be around my house and my other two kids. I have met him and I don't like him one bit. She has let me know that she is trying to do emancipation paper work right now, so I guess that is where she stands. Would rather move out than follow some very simple rules! I have given and given over the years and I am pretty much done also. If I say be home at 11 she is home a 11:15 if I say 11:15 she will come home at 11:30. And typical fashion any word you say to her its eye rolling and breathing hard! She does things now just to make us mad I think, just to get a rise. So now I do things like that to. I took her door off the hinges and said I have to give you a place to stay, However I don't have to give you privacy lol. I took her car away for being late. She went right outside and got in it and left. So I went to where she worked and brought it back home. I did give her the courtesy of knowing I was taking it so she could find a ride home she told me Ha go ahead and try it I got the keys with me! Didn't work out well for her. Its just exhausting.

 

[KyCarl]

There were some things I refused to move on! It's my house..I pay the bills..I make the rules! When you have a place and pay your bills it will be your turn but not now!
When she got out of the Navy She called and wanted to come to my house
and said..I remember it's your rules..As for that boy my brother just let his father know
if it didn't stop Their next meeting wouldn't be as friendly and since he had just broken the guys nose..He got the point..Quick Fast and in a Hurry!

 

[Deleted member 107796]

I had 3 daughters and I found that middle school is critical. At about 13, the world starts to be an influence and you have to absolutely intervene when things like sports and other healthy endeavors go astray, having bad influences or putting too much emphasis on looks. At 17, they are molded and already have a balance of what you try to teach them and what the world has taught them.
Also, I hope anyone that is close to you and your daughter feel free to speak up and give a positive message to help, as all parents need that external help.

 

[Remmy700]

Yeah I am the same way. There are things I am very stern on and will not budge. You know back when I was a kid the worst punishment I could get it is getting put in my room for hours. I would rather take a beat down than have to sit in my room. But now days kids are fine with sitting in their room like a recluse for hours. Stupid face book, Instagram, snap whatever, ruins kids.

 

[KyCarl]

I came from a Belt home..My dad's idea was I can't make you do what I say..But I can make you wish you did! And he meant it. In high school if I was slow getting up in he came and grabbed me by the hair and pulled me up out of bed! He would slap the crap out of us..Don't make me pull this car over!! He was a big athletic dude played semi pro baseball for the Armco Triangles He was right but his method was wrong? I didn't hit my kids but I still expected them to behave..

 

[ducky]

You can't change the past, you can only work on the present. Make sure you and your wife are in the same page. Be united on the home front and stay strong by leaning on each other. I know you love your daughter, so things are going to be painful and truly hurt your heart.

If she wants to act like a roommate make her pay rent! If you provide her with a cell phone, car, gas, and insurance stop that until she wants to be a participating member of the family. It is time for tough love, it is going to be painful.

I took away my daughter's smartphone when she acted that way, and next thing you know I was being interviewed by social services for child and sexual abuse of my daughter. So you can probably expect something similar. Make sure you inform your leaders that this might be happening, you can't let your daughter's drama sink your career.

If she wants to be emancipated, she's going to have to prove to the courts she can support herself. Best way for that is for her to get a JOB and start paying her own way on things. A job might change her perspective on things when her parasite boyfriend sucks her dry.

Most of all be ready to forgive her when she comes back and asks to come home. However, make sure boundaries and expectations are set before she's allowed to come home. If she is going to live with you she has to live by you and your wife's rules.

 

[Remmy700]

I have taken her phone, she goes out and buys burner phones. I made her get insurance in her name and now she is still acting stupid so I pulled the ignition fuse in the car, will see how that goes down today lol. I am to the point I am just going to sale it. I bought the car and made her pay for half as she got money which she did so I am going to sale it and give her, her money back. At this point I don't want her rolling around town with this loser boyfriend in a car registered to me and here in NM you have to be 18 to have a car registered in your name. And she does have a job, actually she has 2 jobs and is fairly descent saving her money. She said she has goals, which is moving out of my house! Everytime she says it I am like well you can leave whenever you want, I just cant kick you out till you 18 lol.

 

[Remmy700]

Her and my wife have been very close to coming to blows. Her mom was such garbage which is why she is with me now, I have had custody of her since she was 8. My wife is like the best role model, she is a nurse has her RN, BSN and Masters and is a legitimately good person but she has zero respect for me or my wife and to me that is more important than anything. My wife has stepped in and been her mom for this length of time, and a very good one at that when she didn't have to. I am just trying to ensure our daughter which is almost 13 does not follow down this road as well. I am not the forgiving type and I remember everything so as far as being open for the apologies when she moves out and has to come back home that is a big no.

 

[KyCarl]

Being a step parent is tough. I have a step son and we had problems at first
but everything worked out great! He's a school teacher and HS wrestling coach
Married to a teacher and they have a 8 month old boy our first grandkid..
Hang in and hold to your values..They do get smarter!
His dad died when he was 7 I married Linda 2 years later..

 

[ducky]

I've never said you have to forget what your daughter has done. You wouldn't be asking these questions if you didn't love your daughter and want good things for her. That's why I said be prepared to forgive her, the first step to healing your relationship is forgiving for both of you. She is going to need you in the future and I'm sure you'll want to be there.

 

[LongestShot]

The father of two boys and one girl, raising the girl was hell. All you can do is try to keep communication lines open. When you stop talking everything goes to hell.