For many years I tried to follow the "if you can walk into the hospital, don't ". Things have changed for me and my family. My wife had knee replacement surgery a few months ago. She was diligent on PT, and now she is moving around without pain she endured for many years prior to surgery. Now she is scheduling a surgery for a torn rotator and bicep. This one sounds like a tough and long recovery period ahead.
We are very blessed with significant advances in medical procedures today. I wish the best for those that go through these procedures. Like most other things, the diligence and effort you put into PT should pay off.
I was the same way. I hated to go to the doctor and only went as a last resort. Then I had my accident. I went from totally independent to the exact opposite. I couldn't even take care of myself in the bathroom. If you or her, or anyone else on this forum needs someone to talk to, feel free to pm me. Sometimes it just helps to know you're not alone.
PT is a good thing as long as you have a good therapist and you don't over do it. A good physical therapist knows how much is too much.
I thank the lord every day that I have good shoulders. Most everything else is shot, but the shoulders are good. My Pa in Law and my dad both have extensive shoulder issues. I don't envy them.
My wife has been an RN for over 30 years. Both of us agree that advances in medicine have been huge. It amazes us both. I always tell her it's amazing how much doctors know these days and also amazing how much some still don't know.
Finding the right one is the key. I went to at least 10 different surgeons after my 6th back surgery failed and some of the hardware broke. Some wouldn't even touch me. Others weren't confident enough to think they could help. Some told me there were too many risks. Some said the damage was too extensive and couldn't be fixed. My general practitioner took it upon himself to take my file to Emery University during a seminar and asked their doctors to please take a look. I got a call two weeks later. They wanted to see me. I went to Atlanta to a Dr. named Dheera Ananthachrishnon, Dr. A, that specializes in breaks and curvatures of the spine. She looked at me, smiled, and said "It's not going to be fun, but I'll have you standing up straight and walking upright in 4 weeks, it's what I do". She was absolutely right on both counts.
I hope your wife comes through her surgery better than new. Again, sorry for the long post! I get long winded