Being a cop never means being mean. There is a huge difference between having good verbal judo, command presence, being able to take action when action needs to be taken, and being plain mean. It doesn't really matter where you are, when you are dealing with someone that wants to kill you or is willing to do anything to get out of the situation they are in, the best way to get out of the situation alive is never going to be being mean, all that does is escalate a tense situation further. It is using your de-escalation skills properly, and if that fails, then your less lethal and/or firearm/tactical/hand to hand combat skills are the last resort. I have heard this at more than one training - Be polite, Be professional, and have a plan to take out everyone you meet.
As far as my family, my wife and kids are my sanctuary, and I treat them that way. I have absolutely had days where my work followed me home, and my wife and myself have had a couple arguments before where I had to apologize afterwards because I started the argument out of frustration from work, but I have never, and would never, lay my hands on my wife, and the only times my kids have been spanked has been standard discipline, never in anger. I certainly have had times when I took the long way driving home, because I wasn't ready to "dad" yet, so I gave myself more time to decompress.
Someone that is mean, has nothing to do with having to be mean at work, and honestly don't belong in LE if they truly are "mean". We have to have more control at work than the average person, especially these days. The challenges certainly are there, but a person needs to know how to manage the stress from the job. I believe everyone in LE should have someone, whether it a counselor, a close coworker, or someone that they can trust in a deep manner to talk to, and should also spend as much time training how to manage their emotional stress as they do learning how to do the job. This book has helped me immensely, and is also a good book for those that have a LE member in their family to read to better understand what comes with the job. I suggest you get it, read it, and maybe pass it on to this guy in time.
https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-su...val+for+law+enforcement&qid=1619205775&sr=8-1
Feel free to P.M. me, I can give you my number and we can talk more. I know how this stuff goes. My mother and father are both long time LEO's, My mother's cousin served 35 years in Glendora California, and myself and my cousin work together here at my Department.