Holy smokes Brent I'm glad you're still with us. Prayers for your body and also for your mind. I've never suffered what I'd consider greatly myself (though odds are that will happen at some point I understand), but have been around a lot of it. My mother has had 9 surgeries at this point on her leg starting when she was 13 and her knee dislocated so badly the kneecap was completely on the wrong side of the knee…at this point that leg has been amputated above the knee but it's still been a source of problems and required more surgeries. I grew up watching her knee spontaneously dislocate and her falling down and screaming in pain on a monthly basis at times, it was awful.
Worst pain I've bore witness to was probably my grampa, I was a teenager at the time. He spent two months in a burn unit with extensive skin grafts and wound debraiding and all that misery. An incident involving gasoline flashing back on him and literally setting him on fire, third degree burns to the face and left hand and arm, second degree all over his torso.
I was a pastor for 8 years and as such visited lots of folks in the hospital, whether for end of life care or in the aftermath of an accident, seen a few things there…no shortage of cancer patients and the common but oh so miserable reality of old folks having had broken hips, pneumonia, and joint replacement surgeries - knew a lady whose suffering is now over who had had both knees and both shoulders replaced, some more than once - she was no stranger to suffering.
Another fella really should have been dead and for a while I think he wished he was…injuries similar to what you describe here…he got crushed by a bull. As in the bull knocked him down and then used its head to grind him into the dirt. Every rib broken, some in multiple places, shards of his own ribs having punctured his lungs, liver, spleen, and stomach even. I really pray I never break ribs (or get kidney stones
) it seems like the actual worst!
Know another fella who had the worst Christmas ever one year, had a gallstone attack AND a heart attack AND a car accident in the space of two weeks (the car accident because he had his heart attack well driving, thankfully in town and not on the highway, and crashed into a concrete pillar) … and this tough old bird was having the worst time sitting still a month later, crazy old man was determined the doctor was full of
and he was fine to go shoveling snow!!!!
. His wife and adult children and the doctor and I together did manage to talk some sense into him and convince him to sit still, at least for a few more weeks. This is a man who had an incredibly rough first half of his life, and was still ridiculously tough physically…couldn't be bothered with a dentist, when a tooth started bothering him he'd slowly work at it with pliers until he could pull it out himself without it breaking, and by the time I got to know him he had done this to about half his teeth!
But all this rambling is for one point which is that life after the initial trauma was when these folks entered into "the long game", the war of attrition against the temptation to despair, grow bitter, become angry, and to contend with their own restlessness and maybe even be confronted with themselves, the reality of being stuck with yourself and your thoughts can be very hard to some folks.
I. know that of course there's nothing like the intensity of unbearable agony in the moment…but what I've observed in most folks to be their greatest battle is the reality of life in which they can't do the things they want to do anymore, maybe for a season maybe forever. It's really hard for most people to just sit still and get better when it takes a long time, and seems to be harder on the mind and I dare say the soul as well to have to just wait in that place of limbo stuck with their thoughts.
So I'm praying for your body to be restored to full function and health, for those in charge of your care to be granted wisdom and grace, and I'm praying extra hard (if that's a thing) for
your mind and soul to be protected from the dark things that they face in times like this, that the presence of God is with you and made known to you; that the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guards your heart and mind in Christ; that as we often read around Christmas time, "the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness HAS NOT OVERCOME IT".
Keep us posted on how you're doing, we're on your side.
