Because of the depletion of the ozone layer there is an exponential increase utlraviolet radiation reaching the surface. The ultraviolet radiation causes a photochemical reaction with certain plastic compounds. The plastic releases high weight polyaromatic hydrocarbons with are adsorbed to other solids. Many of these compounds interact with other materials such as bagels to cause male pattern baldness. FDA is warning everyone not to store their bagels in CD Spindles or else their hair will turn gray and fall out on the top.
The Men's Hair Club, Just for Men, and Grecian Formula 44 have issued a press release claiming that the FDA studies are faulty and were done by the same scientist who claim that dinosuars actually existed. The three companies have hired the noted scientist who has proven that NASA actually faked the lunar landing and will soon realese their own study.