Lefty, I use the reloading manuals as guides and they are quite helpful sometimes. I have seen some significant dependencies between them also. A few years back Noslers starting load for 200 gr AB's and Retumbo was higher than Hodgdon's max load for the same combo with significantly different velocities, or vice versa. If we look at Nosler's online data, they list 95 gr of Retumbo as a max load for 180 gr bullets with a velocity of 3200 fps. My max load of Retumbo with 180 E-Tips was 98 gr with a velocity of 3400 plus. I got reasonable brass life with this load (about 5 firings in RP) and shot several hundred of those rounds through my Sendero. 98 gr of Retumbo, give or take and 3400 fps give or take with 180 bullets in the RUM is a common load. My max for the 210 VLD was 93 gr of Retumbo with an MV of 3130. Again, reasonable brass life. I find the manuals to usually be conservative with the 300 RUM.
You should read up on the RL33 threads. Here are some excerpts.
A couple more threads with 230 Hybrids and RL33 in the 300 RUM.
http://www.longrangehunting.com/forums/f28/rl-33-load-data-89850/index11.html
http://www.longrangehunting.com/forums/f28/retumbo-h50bmg-32-300-rum-120250/index4.html
With my rifle, there has been a clear increase of pressure and velocity with same or lower charges. My last 2 rounds with 98 gr of 33 produced 3227 and 3238 with a blown primer. That is much different than anything you will read in the above threads On the first to workup strings, i got to 103 and 102 gr before seeing any pressure signs. The velocities for 98 gr on those strings were 3075 ans 3097.
I'm getting tired of beating my rifle and brass as well. I keep reducing the charge and the pressure follows. it's been a little frustrating to say the least. I don['t like loosing a case when i pull the trigger and i don't like stiff bolts. I like easy bolts. Hopefully this rifle will settle out soon and i;ll be able to find a good stable load that doesn't trash my brass and my rifle. The rifle is holding up well so far.