My Wife Says I'm Crude And Insensitive

scope-eye

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 9, 2009
Messages
871
Location
FL
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to an other.
Male..... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .
Female.... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male ... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female..... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female . .. . A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female....... The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male ... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Bonus material

He said . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . .. You wear pants don't you?

He said . . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said, That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said ....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . . . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
 
When posting in the humor section it is no an easy thing to do, once you eliminate all political and R or X rated jokes "Mods Don't Like that" there isn't much left. at least ones not meant for a six year old.

Dean
 
You know while I was earlier commenting on societies quirks and quarks it got me to thinking we're a society of mixed messaging.
Some examples:

1. drive on freeway but pay tolls ever 10-20miles. Should've called them payways.
2. Park in driveway and drive in parkway.
3. Generals have private parking while private have general parking.
4. Calling it apartments when you actually live together. Should've called them togetherments.
 
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