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2011 European Threat Alert Levels
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<blockquote data-quote="royinidaho" data-source="post: 502925" data-attributes="member: 2011"><div style="margin-left: 20px"><div style="margin-left: 20px"><div style="text-align: center"><div style="text-align: center"><strong>Subject:</strong> <strong>ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE]</strong></div> </div></div> <div style="margin-left: 20px"></div> <div style="margin-left: 20px"></div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 20px"><div style="text-align: center"><div style="text-align: center">The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya</div> <div style="text-align: center">and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."</div> <div style="text-align: center">Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A</div> <div style="text-align: center">Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in</div> <div style="text-align: center">1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.</div> <div style="text-align: center">Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody</div> <div style="text-align: center">Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"</div> <div style="text-align: center">warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.</div> <div style="text-align: center"></div> <div style="text-align: center">The Scots have raised their threat level from "****ed Off" to "Let's get</div> <div style="text-align: center">the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they</div> <div style="text-align: center">have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300</div> <div style="text-align: center">years.</div> <div style="text-align: center"></div> <div style="text-align: center">The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror</div> <div style="text-align: center">alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are</div> <div style="text-align: center">"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire</div> <div style="text-align: center">that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the</div> <div style="text-align: center">country's military capability.</div> <div style="text-align: center"></div> <div style="text-align: center">Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"</div> <div style="text-align: center">to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:</div> <div style="text-align: center">"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."</div> <div style="text-align: center"></div> <div style="text-align: center">The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"</div> <div style="text-align: center">to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher</div> <div style="text-align: center">levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."</div> <div style="text-align: center"></div> <div style="text-align: center">Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat</div> <div style="text-align: center">they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.</div> <div style="text-align: center"></div> <div style="text-align: center">The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.</div> <div style="text-align: center">These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy</div> <div style="text-align: center">can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.</div> <div style="text-align: center"></div> <div style="text-align: center">Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"</div> <div style="text-align: center">to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:</div> <div style="text-align: center">"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The</div> <div style="text-align: center">barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the</div> <div style="text-align: center">final escalation level.</div> <div style="text-align: center"></div> <div style="text-align: center">-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person</div> </div></div> <div style="margin-left: 20px"></div> <div style="margin-left: 20px"></div></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="royinidaho, post: 502925, member: 2011"] [INDENT][INDENT][CENTER][CENTER][B]Subject:[/B] [B]ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE][/B][/CENTER][/CENTER] [/INDENT][/INDENT][INDENT][CENTER][CENTER]The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from "****ed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person[/CENTER][/CENTER] [/INDENT] [/QUOTE]
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